I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
