loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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