Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
