I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
