there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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