We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
