Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
