Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
