Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
