God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
