you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
