Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
