remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
