no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
