I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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