i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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