I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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