So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
