What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
