Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
