Soap is not a condiment
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
