I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
