Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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