It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
