If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
