if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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