Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
