I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
