He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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