remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You dont lie about slip and slides
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
