I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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