my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
