the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
