Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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