mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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