Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
