Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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