We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
