i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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