im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
