it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my shit smells like andre
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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