just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
