So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
