Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
