you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
