Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
