3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
