I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
