dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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