If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
