oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
