remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
