dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
