Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
