just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
