ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
